When a Bully Uses the Insult, “You’re Dumb!” Are They Attempting to Mute Their Victim?

At the beginning of the new version of “Scarlet’s Superpower” four bullies are introduced. I’ve been laboring on what I want them to say. As it turns out, what they actually say out loud doesn’t matter, because Scarlet can’t hear them. It is the act of making fun of Scarlet that is important to the story. However, the reader will take in the message of these characters.

As I dream up this fictional scenario, I am thinking to myself; What do I want the reader to experience? My method of writing in first person, present- tense is designed to create maximum empathy. The reader ought to feel what Scarlet is feeling. Am I bullying my readers?

And, once again I am totally over-thinking my writing! Time to blog.

In a blog about “11 Common Grammar Mistakes” Brian Clark (2021) suggests poor grammar might make an author seem “dumb.” Does he mean ignorant, unintelligent, powerless to push one’s message, or all three?

First of all, according to the Anti-Bullying Alliance (n.d.), bullying is defined as “The repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power. Bullying can be physical, verbal or psychological. It can happen face-to-face or online.” Is it even possible for an author to bully their readers? Why would they read the texts?

This idea of an author “bullying” readers is thought-provoking to me. I can imagine this happening in some texts. The reader is hooked on a cool book. They have “become friends” with the characters, enjoy the scenery of the setting, and feel enmeshed with the problems of the protagonist, when all of a sudden, things go awry! All of a sudden your imagination is getting pummeled from all sides, and there is no escape. I have read books that stress me out. A person who has suffered trauma could be triggered.

Most people probably know what they are getting themselves into when picking up a book. I listen to a lot of the books that I consume, and go through them faster than I can research them. It’s common for me to find myself halfway through an audiobook before I decide to look up some information on it. This recently happened to me when I listened to “Where the Crawdads Sing.” I’m deep in the “Marshland” of North Carolina, surviving on a truly minimalistic existence of mollusks, when the author takes every last thread of hope away from me! Kye is left with an impossible situation.

This is an awesome book, and I highly recommend it. The plot kept me guessing all the way to the end, which I love! I look forward to reading this again someday and realizing how much the poetry keeps me and Kye afloat throughout the text. If you’ve read it, you know what I’m talking about. Hints without spoilers.

Again, the bullying scene this blog is addressing

Back to Scarlet’s book, though. I feel like one kid calling another kid a “baby” is a universal put down, and relatively painless.. Thus, I start off the bullying with a kid suggesting baby-like behavior, when in actuality he is just stating the fact that she is lying down in the room that has the youngest charges of the daycare. You can almost hear the cadence of his words, as though they were a chant, “Scarlet is sleeping with the babies.”

I give the kid braces to show his age. All of your grown up teeth have to grow in before you get braces. Perhaps he thinks he is older and more mature because he has braces.

I also have him spit the words so that you know that this kid, while stating a fact, is sharing it as a put down. He is “spitting” his message at Scarlet, whether she is able to feel it or not. I don’t particularly like the way the words work, though. I’ll most likely change or omit the “spitting,” even though I like the concept. I think I’d have to add another sentence to get the point across, and I don’t want the tiny text to be as cumbersome as this silly blog! Ha ha.

One thing that I think this scene gets across is that these four kids are real bullies. The fact that they are making fun of Scarlet on the other side of a glass door, where she can’t hear them, whether she had her coils on or not, makes it seem like this is not the first time that they have singled her out for ridicule. Also, does it fit the definition of bullying if no “intentional hurt” happens?

Here, I am faced with a serious dilemma. Scarlet HAS actually been the target of some unfriendly social situations this year. She has had difficulty making, keeping, and being friends. When Scarlet and I first came up with this idea of incorporating bullying as a theme of her story, there wasn’t even a hint of peer problems. Is our text beginning to touch true trauma, and will that be troubling?

This is the last page of the original “Scarlet’s Superpower.”

The theme of the book is Scarlet’s overcoming obstacles and therefore becoming empowered through the acceptance of her limits. While my first text, written when Scarlet was in first grade, tackled the potential problem of Scarlet hating that she had to deal with her devices, and no one else did, this one could focus on social problems; Scarlet’s Superpower could morph from just “not hearing” to choosing to ignore. In this way, I am hoping to help my daughter, and readers everywhere, to find a power within them to look and live beyond the ridicule of others.

Feel free to download a free copy of the book from the Apple Books.

And now, I come to the word “dumb.” I chose this insult because it is so ~~dumb~~ ignorant. Kids do not know the etymology of this word, but it wouldn’t hurt them to learn that words have histories. If you are still reading this, I assume you are educated enough to know that the word dumb means “unable to speak” (O’Conner & Kellerman, 2014).

I love playing with words, and that is what I am doing here. Rather than having the bullies bludgeon Scarlet’s character from a distance; something she can’t even feel; I have them discussing taunts. This is to paint the picture of peers plotting put downs. Especially, when I have one student explain that they were planning to use the term “dumb” to mock Scarlet, the idea of intentional hurt is clarified. The admittance of purposeful, targeted taunting seems to take the breath away from these bullies, because they, themselves are left “dumb” in the wake of it.

We think of bullies as people who pummel others with insults (words) and/or inflict physical harm on others. Prohibiting a person from being able to share can also be a form of bullying. Taking the power to communicate away from someone could be worse than labeling them something negative. It literally renders them powerless to affect their situation. When someone calls a target “dumb,” whether they use that exact word or not, are they really attempting to silence them? The bully is saying to those within earshot, “This person is not worth listening to.”

Scarlet explains her cochlear implants in the original “Scarlet’s Superpower.”

The irony of the bullies in my story muting themselves will not be understood by the youth the story is written for. Thus, I feel the need to explain it here. Scarlet is deaf, literally. She has devices that help her hear. When she has them on, she takes in every sound that hearing people experience. Not only has she taken her coils off to nap in this opening scene of this new version of the book, but she is separated from the bullies by a glass door. This is because the bullies do not understand that she can’t hear them, even if there were NO door. The reader does not GET this yet, either. It is explained later on.

The bullies are sharing insults with each other in mock bullying fashion, practicing what they might do if face to face with Scarlet. With the realization that insulting Scarlet on the other side of a glass door, where she can’t hear them (coils or not), it dawns on the bullies that their words haven’t even gone as far as falling on deaf ears! This transforms them, the powerful in numbers and insults, powerless. They have no voice without an ear to hear. They are the dummies.

Here is a taste of what is to come: Scarlet’s new improved superpower is to “Ignore the Ignorant.”

Sources:

Clark. (2021, March 30). Common Grammar Mistakes: 11 Goofs You Might Know Too Well. Copyblogger. Retrieved February 9, 2023, from https://copyblogger.com/grammar-writing-mistakes/

O’Conner, & Kellerman. (2014, July 3). The Grammarphobia Blog: Speaking of dumb. Grammarphobia. Retrieved February 9, 2023, from https://www.grammarphobia.com/blog/2014/07/dumb.html

Our Definition of Bullying. (n.d.). Anti-Bullying Alliance. Retrieved February 9, 2023, from https://anti-bullyingalliance.org.uk/tools-information/all-about-bullying/understanding-bullying/definition

Wrestling With the Beginning

When preparing to bring the original “Scarlet’s Superpower” from 13 pages to 26, I was thinking of ways to beef-up the story. While I liked the simple story line, the text needed a little more meat to it. Should I develop characters more? Could we include additional ways that her superpower was utilized? My favorite idea was to show ways in which Scarlet’s ability to shut out noise by removing her coils could benefit her.

One morning, several years ago, I was driving Scarlet to her before school daycare when an idea hit me: What if Scarlet used her superpower to avoid hearing bullies belittling her? We could begin the book with her wanting to take a nap. She could query about sleeping on a mat in the infant room of her daycare, at the end of the first day of school. Older kids; kids Scarlet’s age; could see and hear this, and they would tease, “Look at Scarlet. What a baby.”

Scarlet would NOT hear this teasing, though. She would have already removed her coils. She can’t hear anything–nothing–when she takes her coils off of her head. So, exhausted Scarlet lies down, innocent and thankful for peace and quiet.

The teacher, on the other hand, hears these older kids teasing Scarlet. Because the facility has a “Zero Tolerance” (no teasing) policy, the teacher reports the miscreants to the person in charge of the daycare. They get in trouble.

I’m not sure if Scarlet finds out about the bullying behavior or not, but by the end of the book she helps these kids, using her superpower. They admire both her ability to forgive and the power to NOT hear.

Here are a couple of the problems with this beginning.

Scarlet’s mom and I looked at tons of daycare facilities to determine which would be best for our only child. In addition to staffing, cleanliness, and the usual concerns, we had to consider how noisy the place was. Luckily, our area had many to choose from.

While I like using more than one setting for the story, having Scarlet attend a daycare could paint her as privileged; Her family is wealthy enough to send her there.

I could explain that Mommy and Daddy make just barely enough money to have her attend, and need her to, so that they can work the jobs that pay for her attendance, basically breaking even. This circumstance would explain away the idea of private child care being a symbol of wealth; It is a shackle (Fetters, 2020). A surprising 57% of the working population of America pay more than $10,000 a year for child care (30+ Essential US Child Care Statistics [2022]: Availability, Costs, and Trends – Zippia, n.d.).

Additionally, Scarlet attending a daycare categorizes her as lucky. According to 30+ Essential US Child Care Statistics [2022]: Availability, Costs, and Trends – Zippia, “51% of Americans live in communities classified as child care deserts“ (n.d.). I do not want someone to come across “Scarlet’s Superpower,” and think to themselves, what an entitled, lucky, rich brat.

Obviously, I am totally overthinking the situation. Some kids go to daycare. Some don’t. The kids who don’t go to daycare know about others who do. Is the situation relatable? That is the question. Can readers visualize kids making fun of Scarlet for wanting to take a nap? I think so.

Sources:

30+ Essential US Child Care Statistics [2022]: Availability, Costs, And Trends – Zippia. (n.d.). 30+ Essential US Child Care Statistics [2022]: Availability, Costs, and Trends – Zippia. Retrieved January 10, 2023, from https://www.zippia.com/advice/us-child-care-availability-statistics/

Fetters, A. (2020, January 18). The Working-to-Afford-Child-Care Conundrum. Working to Afford Child Care so You Can Work – the Atlantic. Retrieved January 10, 2023, from https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2020/01/working-afford-child-care-so-you-can-work/605206/

U.S. Department of Education, National Center for Education Statistics. (2021). Early Childhood Program Participation: 2019 (NCES 2020-075REV), Table 1.

Classy Conflict Management With Cause & Effect Lesson

The idea for this project surfaced this past summer. My wife Sonia plays keyboard and electric bass in a band that hosts an open mic in Allentown, PA. Sonia also sings.

An open mic is a different venue from a concert. It is more like a jam-style atmosphere. This is an opportunity for musicians to try new things and literally play, rather than perform. You can collaborate on projects, join other bands for a song or two without committing to membership, and meet new people.

more singing — Sonia began to feel bullied by other musicians. (not these;)

Sonia had been going to and playing at this open mic for nearly a year. On a pretty regular basis, people thought that they should go up to Sonia and tell her what she could improve. It didn’t seem like these people were doing this to anyone else, and the pep talks, or whatever you want to call them, were unsolicited. It felt like Sonia was being bullied. She was new to the scene, and had quickly moved to center stage. Perhaps the bullies were jealous.

Whenever Sonia would tell me one of these stories, I tried to only listen, but I inevitably thought about what a classy response might be. It varied on the situation, but my favorite boiled down to asking the purveyor of symphonic wisdom, “What are you doing?” I thought up the idea of interrupting the (let’s presume) ignorant bully, and simply inquiring, “Why do you feel the need to push this lecture on to me?” It isn’t like Sonia had asked to be critiqued, so what was happening here?

singing — What do you do when someone shares criticism of you with you that makes you feel badly?

Sonia is far from insecure, and she is very classy, so she nearly always let the ignoramus spout his advice. She, probably, rightly so, figured he wanted to feel important or knowledgeable. It’s not impossible the guy just wanted something to talk to my beautiful wife about. Wrong move. It was not providing Sonia with positive feelings.

I transferred all of this to a situation that I could imagine happening in a school setting. If an elementary student was being bullied, what would be the best response? Also, how could I communicate to 3rd graders appropriate ways to deal with verbal bullies? I came up with a lesson involving Cause and Effect that used Google Slides. I began by making a flowchart.

From each action (or inaction) a couple of different things might happen. From your next decision, new angles or issues would appear. What would be the best direction to take?

If an elementary student was being bullied, what would be the best response?

I made a Google Slideshow that has a simple, generic storyline for students to interact with. As they read each slide, they click on the box that they think will be best for dealing with the given situation. The boxes are all linked to slides within the slideshow, so depending on what is clicked, students will create their own narrative; like a “Choose Your Own Adventure”. There is a box on every slide that allows students to go all the way “Back to the Beginning” of the narrative to start over. There is also one that allows students to return to the “Previous Slide”.

Screen Shot 2018-10-27 at 8.38.28 AM — Bullying is not a 1X occurrence.

Before using the slideshow, I recommend using yarn to form a story web. Index cards with elements of a story can be attached to a wall, placed on the floor, or read from desks. Yarn can begin at the start of the story and travel back and forth from causes to effects. The yarn is a timeline. This shows students that conflict is not linear. By definition, we do not deal with a bully once and done. Each variation in how we deal with the conflict is a science experiment. You think to yourself, “This time I will ignore the bully and see what happens.” You witness the outcome, analyzing how it worked out for you. Then next time, you tryout yelling, “Stop bullying me!!” Or, perhaps you give telling an adult a try. Never seeing the bully again or successfully dealing with the situation so that there is no more bullying could be represented by cutting the line of yarn. What would simply running out of yarn symbolize?

After the yarn conflict web group exercise, students can independently or with partners participate in clicking through and reading the interactive Classy Conflict Management slideshow. This allows them to take control and explore the concept of cause and effect on their own.

Classy Conflict Management Interactive Google Slideshow

An important thing to keep in mind is that there isn’t one way that works for every single situation. It is different all of the time.